Absence of Hope
by Ruani
Summary: "My name is Olivia Connolly. Code Name, Enyo. I am at present time twenty six years old. At least.. I think I am.." she didn't know where she was or even when she was. Olivia finds herself lost in a galaxy far bigger than she remembered.


_**Will tomorrow ever come? Will I make it through the night?**_

 _ **Will there ever be a place for the broken in the light?**_

 _ **Am I hurting? Am I sad? Should I stay, or should I go?**_

 _ **I've forgotten how to tell. Did I ever even know?**_

 _ **Can I take another step? I've done everything I can**_

 _ **All the people that I see I will never understand**_

* * *

 _ **FIRST VIDEO**_

* * *

"Shit."

A hoarse voice cursed as the camera came to life. On screen an image flickered into existence. Dizzily it dropped and shook as hand brushed against the lens. Scratchy noises punched through the speakers from the clumsy hands that tried to stabilize the damn thing. A wash of colors smeared the picture as the camera was jerked and then finally stilled.

There was a brief moment of the device trying to focus on a blur. Finally the picture cleared. On the other end a woman stood slightly hunched staring at the lens. Eerie mismatched eyes seemed to study the thing as if searching for something on the inside while waving her hand in front of it. A slight nod and she backed up so that she was in full view of the camera.

For the most part she was rather unremarkable. Short in stature from the angle on the camera, but there would be no way to know for sure with out standing next to her. Her skin had an almost sickly pallor to it. She was so pale that she seemed to fade into the white of her shirt and pants. A shaky hand ran through a mess of curly black hair. Her hair ended at her shoulders and she had a spattering of freckles on her face. She seemed a bit sickly but normal enough.

But then there were the eyes.

One black. One silver.

"God, this is so weird" she mumbled looking off to her left. There was a faint flush to her cheeks gnawed at her bottom lip as she seemed to think for a moment.. A deep sigh expanded her chest and she looked back at the camera releasing the air. "Day nine post awakening...reanimation...thawing? Yeah! Sounds good to me. They don't exactly prep you for this stuff on Novo Capita. Not to mention tech has gotten a little...weird.."

Eyes scrunched and she shook her head.

"Whatever. We'll get there. My name is Olivia Connolly. Code Name, Enyo. I am at present time twenty six years old. At least.. I think I am. Not sure how long I was under, but I was born May 22nd, 2023. I entered Project Spero about four years ago, again I think. You ass holes don't keep a calendar where a girl can find it. Specialization, combat . Classification, Ferro. Rank, Praetorian. Not sure what happened to my cluster, but I seem fully operational... Yeah, we'll go with operational and just a tad bit confused."

Arms lifted to show odd black tattoos swirling from her wrist to elbow. Olivia made sure to show each one off to the camera in detail. Next she turned and lifted up her shirt to show her back. Along her spine circular scars went from the nape of her neck to where her back ended. Twisting slightly she turned her head to see if the camera was getting the image. Once she was sure it was she adjusted her shirt and turned around.

"Not quite sure where these came from, but I'm going to assume it was part of the project. Not sure how you guys pulled me out of deep freeze to do that, but you did a hell of a job. I don't remember any of it. Hell, I don't even remember going into stasis." with a huff she buckled her knees and plopped onto her rump. She was visible from only waist up now.

"Seems like some shit went down. Haven't seen a soul since I woke up. No cluster mates. No initiates. No doctors. Place is scary quiet. Looks like there was a pretty epic fight. Some outer buildings are trashed. This one.. well it'll keep me dry if it rains, but not much else. Who the hell did we piss off? ANYWAY. Bunch of weird symbols on the buildings though. New logo? Not a fan. Its boring, and doesn't really make sense for our cause. Looks like a rocket ship or something. Bit out of date don't you think? Any who, went through some papers, which was, again, hella hard to do. Everything seems to be on a damn computer, and damn this tech is way beyond what we were at. I can still manage a decent tether, but the amount of information is a bit overwhelming. Papers are definitely easier. Less of a migraine for me. There's a lot of reference to a Cerberus group. Did we get a name change? I pretty sure we're not this Alliance. That's Earth's military, right? AGH. I don't know. I need to sleep on it."

A yawn stretched her mouth and Olivia lifted her arms in a stretch. Rubbing her two toned eyes she looked back at something. Her attention remained off camera, but she started to speak again.

"It's getting late. I think. I'm not on , I know I'm not on Earth" a slight grin, "Earth only has one moon after all. Day and night cycles are all fuckered up though. Talk about some major jet lag. Any way. Gotta find a place to crash that doesn't have bugs all over the place. Dum vita est spes est, while there is life there is hope. Connolly signing off."

With that the screen went black.

"Well that was... informative. What the hell was she saying there at the end? I know your race has an absurd amount of languages, but my translator didn't pick up on that one." Garrus was the first to break the silence that settled between the three of them. Both Shepard and Liara sat in stunned silence, staring at the dark screen. Light from the screen illuminated Liara's face, making the smooth skin seem bluer than usual.

"Sounded close to Italian or something. I don't know. Do I look like a linguist? What's the time stamp on that Liara?" Shepard asked. The commander had an uneasy feeling starting to build in her stomach.

"Forty three days ago. Shepard there's a whole folder full. Look at this." the Asari started scrolling through a rather long list of videos. Curiosity flared in those intelligent eyes as she hovered over the next video.

"Oh should I go get … what is it that humans do when they watch vids.. snacks?" Garrus teased. Shepard shot the turian a glare. Mandibles twitched as he managed to look amused.

"Why would a mission go smoothly? Dammit." Shepard mumbled under her breath. Running a hand through her short hair she sighed. "Go ahead and start the next one."

* * *

 _ **Second Video**_

* * *

Her face was green and black from the night vision this time. Her odd eyes stared tiredly at the lens. At first she didn't speak. She just walked through the dark building. There was a high pitch squeak when she opened a door. Wind made the speakers crackle just a bit. A yawn stretched her lips, and sleepily she rubbed her eyes with her free hand.

Suddenly stopping she looked up. Still clumsy with handling the infernal thing she shakily turned it. The screen blurred with dark streaks of green and black. When her hands still and the camera focused a bright large moon hovered in the sky. Behind the pearly white celestial being was another planet. From where she was at you could see the rings that wrapped around it.

"Can't sleep. Might as well enjoy the view." she mumbled. For a good ten or so minutes she just scanned the sky.

* * *

 _ **Third Video**_

* * *

"Haaaappy day..uh.. seventeen.. I think we're on day seventeen. Hold on a second." the voice came through the speakers before the image. Sounds scratched through before the video feed came to life. "Let's take a look at our handy dandy day counter.. By 'day counter' I mean this giant stick I found. Been notching it every time I wake up."

The camera picked up images of the ground moving by. Little pale feet would clip the corner of the image as she walked to some unknown destination. Finally the swinging stopped. The camera lifted and focused on a large branch. There were sixteen rough cuts starting at the top and moving towards the middle.

"Okay.. sixteen days… My bad." she said under her breath. In the background the sound of objects moving off camera rumbled through the speakers. Soon the branch disappeared. For a brief moment the image of a metal chair came into view. After a few adjustments Olivia was sitting in front of the camera.

Today seemed like a better day. Color had returned to her skin. Slight tinges of red showed at the tops of her cheeks and shoulders. The beginnings of sunburn. She'd been spending some time in the sun. Black hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail, and there was a light layer of sweat on her forehead.

"Where to start..Hmm.. Well I've been doing a lot of exploring the last couple of days. Looks like I'm in some kind of research outpost. Lots of medical looking stuff that is way to advanced for me to mess with. Found some rations. Nice to see that MREs survived space, but there are some fruits and such in the surrounding area. Can't find any information on them so I'm not touching them." as sigh and she leaned back on her hands. "I'm not cut out for this shit. Hunting I can handle. The rest of this... "

Her demeanor switched. A pained look came across her face as her brow scrunch, and the corners of her mouth tightened. Looking off camera she sighed. Hands clenched into fists and she leaned forward. Crossing her legs in an almost meditative pose she stared down at the floor. Hands trembled slightly as she slowly opened them and placed them palm down on her knees. On top of each hand a purple stone glinted. Each stone seemed to flicker with energy, the facets and colors shifting from a deep dark purple to a softer shade.

"It's hard, staying in control. The last update I got was fine. No problems. I _remember_ getting it. I remember getting my last orders. I don't remember being put into cryo. I don't remember what happened to Bri. Cluster isn't responding to my calls. I can't find my _Vita._ I can't _feel_ her. She's not dead, but she's not alive. I would know right? That connection would be severed." another sigh and she finally looked at the camera. "I'm getting off topic. I need to report what's happened so far."

Vulnerability was wiped from her face. The small girl alone on a planet disappeared, and in her place a soldier emerged. Olivia straightened and grabbed some papers to her right. Flipping through them she took a second to organize her thoughts.

"Aside from finding basic needs I've been doing some reading. No one really keeps things on paper so this is what I've managed to transcribe off of what system's I've been able to access. Which is not much. Lots of passwords and clearance issues. I'm a fighter not a hacker. Again I could tether, but the stress is just… unmanageable." a slight grin, but the sadness started to creep back into her eyes. "So information I have thus far. First of all I've been in cryo forever. We've not only encountered, but brokered peace with several alien races. If I say these wrong you can correct me later, until then kiss my ass. Asari, Krohgeyn, Tureen, and Salamanders. I know they're not salamanders, but that's what I see every time I look at the word."

She laughed a little bit.

"Anyway. Information is limited, but from the pictures and everything this is what I can assume. One, our organization is not fond of other creatures. I'm not sure why. From what I can tell they're not outwardly aggressive. Is this how human's as a whole feel? There's a whole lot of 'how to cause pain to' and 'best method of torture'. That's pretty dark shit and not our normal m.o, but who the hell am I to judge. I'm what, a hundred years and some change behind?"

She pulled one paper out of the pile.

"Asari are very human like. Blue skin is awesome. I like blue. Best color out there. They all look female, but the papers say they are genderless. I'm not even.. gonna try and wrap my head around reproduction. Regardless, they're nice to look at."

She placed the paper face down and picked up another. A rather devious look crossed her face, and she made an amused noise in the back of her throat.

"Kohgen… kroigan. Kreggen? What ever. These guys… Huge. Definitely a race of fighters. There is no way they're not. You don't evolve with that type of bulk to read poetry. Lord, could you imagine one of these guys quoting Shakespeare? Of all of the races they definitely look the meanest. I hope we're not enemies. I feel like they'd make good drinking buddies." eyes scanned the paper and she sighed. "They're affected by some kind of disease. Something that keeps them from breeding properly. Did we do that? I hope not. that's an awful thing to do."

Again the paper was place down and a new one was raised.

"Salamanders… Okay okay. Salareens.. Salaryens. Look I tried. Salamanders! They even look amphibious! Skinny suckers. I really have no idea what they're capable of. Computer says they're smart. They don't like the cold."

Shrugging her shoulders she put it down.

"Tur...Tar..Tureens? These names are probably a lot easier to say than I think. Uhh, they look like something out of Cretaceous period. Bird like. Space birds! They look mean but in a different sense. I feel like if you took a raptor and human and smashed them together this would be the result. There was lots of information on them…" she trailed off and her eyes narrowed. "None of it clean enough to say in my report."

Putting the papers down she rubbed the bridge of her nose. Even though her legs were crossed one of her knees started to bounce. She was getting restless. Staying inside wasn't something she was used to. Fingers drummed on her knee for a second before she stood up. For a moment only her knees were visible. A shaky hand lifted the camera to see her face as she transitioned from being in a room to going outside.

"I'm going to scrounge up more information, but for the time being I'm getting back into my routine. Strength, agility, and stamina training out the gate. I'm not back to what I was, but I'll get there. I haven't even attempted using any mana. This wouldn't be as hard if Bri was here. She was better at this tech stuff. I'll be attempting a tether tonight. I need to learn some of these languages. Here's to hoping I don't give myself an aneurysm." Shoulders rolled and she smiled at the camera, though for the most part it seemed forced. "Yeah… I've run out of things to say. Time for my run! Until next time. Dum vita est spes est, while there is life there is hope. Connolly out."

* * *

"What is the Cretaceous Period?" Garrus asked curiously.

"She's referencing a time in human history. Before humans evolved. I think the exact reference is to a avian like predator." Liara spoke up not looking away from the screen.

"Oh so I'm a predator now?" he sounded rather pleased with himself.

"No you're a space bird." Liara snipped back. Garrus managed to look offended behind his smug grin.

"Focus! She obviously hasn't had the pleasure of looking at your ugly mug everyday." Garrus feigned a look of hurt as Shepard jumped in on the teasing. Chuckling the Commander looked back down at Liara. "I want to know what she meant by being behind a hundred years. If she is some kind of Cerberus experiment we need to know. I don't care what kind of rock you live under. There is no way to go twenty odd years without knowing at least council races."

"I mean this is a pretty big rock." he quipped.

"Well, she wasn't far off on some of her assumptions. This is a research base." the Asari interjected. On another screen she pulled up what looked to be a blueprint of the small facility. "From what I can gather they were focusing on genetic and bio warfare. Not towards humans mind you."

A heavy pause hung in the air.

""Wait wait wait. You're telling me that Cerberus was coming up with new and fun ways to kill other races?" the sarcasm was thick in the Turian's voice. Both Liara and Shepard rolled their eyes.

"Queuing next video." Liara turned her chair to face the screen again.

"Thank you."

* * *

 **Fourth Video**

* * *

"Day twenty four. Sorry, guys. I'm not good at keeping up with this stuff. Not to mention this stupid piece of crap ran out of juice." she tapped the lens with her finger. Dirt smudged and the distorted image of the young woman huffed. Using the corner of her shirt she cleaned the lens.

"So it's been more than a week. Again… sorry. Feeling pretty good. I'd have to say I'm probably at a solid 80%. Started tapping into my mana again. Shit I forgot how good that felt. Here.. here.." she moved out towards an empty area. Behind her were buildings that looked like they were ready to fall apart. The camera was set on the ground, and for a moments the frame was filled with blades of grass.

"Up you go!" her voice sang happily. The camera lifted. Ollie stood with her hand held out. Black on her arms started to glow ever so slightly. Once the camera was eye level a smile crossed her face. The arm lowered and she turned her back. "Camera isn't hard. Super tiny. I've been working on heavier stuff. Watch, watch, watch."

After making sure the camera wouldn't fall if she lost focus on it her arms lifted up. In front of her a large slab of fallen metal started to tremble. The slab was positioned in front of a sealed door. A noise seemed to squeak out of her mouth. Arms began to tremble as if they were trying to hold a weight. The slab started to vibrate and groan as metal warped. Slowly it began to rise. Another grunt and her body curved as if being pressed down by something.

Slowly turning to the side she guided the slab to the right. As it moved her posture began to strengthen. The curve of her spine straightened, and the tremble in her arms stilled. One arm dropped and the floating metal wavered just slightly. Turning she walked with the piece a few yards before dropping it. Once the piece hit the ground she gave a small fist pump.

With another wave of the hand the camera moved alongside her. Almost like a puppy. Humming under her breath she stood in front of the door. No longer a puppy, but apparently a parrot, the camera settle just above her right shoulder. A small dirty hand tapped the sealed door. Still she kept humming thoughtfully.

" _Short steps. Deep breaths."_

Words mumbled under her breath. Hands smoothed across the surface of the metal doors. Stopping her left hand she used a finger to trace the seam where the doors stuck together.

" _Everything is alright."_

A deep inhale and slow exhale through the nose. Both hands pressed flat against the seam. Fingers curled and the sound of metal straining filled the air for a second time. Muscles strained in her forearms. The stones on top of her hand shone brightly. The purple pigment bled up her arms through the tattoos. Turning the black ink into a dark murky purple. In the back of her throat a cat like scream gurgled out of her mouth.

More metal groaned as her hands started to part in a dragging motion. Dents appeared along the seam. There was a hissing noise as air seeped through small openings. Her scream became more guttural until the metal finally gave. Parting barely two feet the doors slid to their respective sides. Her scream stopped and the glow on her arms disappeared entirely.

"Fuck. That might have been too much." slumping forward she leaned against the metal. Breaths came in short little gasps. "Give me a second. Just need to catch my breath."

As if they had any choice.

"I'm going to regret this shit. Son of a.." a hand came up and touched her face. When it pulled away the camera caught the bright red blood on her finger tips. "Nose bleed. I hate nosebleeds. Let's see if it was worth the effort. This is the biggest building. At least. It's connected to a lot of other to find more reading material. And something edible. I'm over MREs. I take back what I said about them before. MREs fucking suck."

The camera tried to focus in the darkness. For the most part it was too dark to make anything out. A few emergency lights blinked to life, but the lighting was pretty worthless. Using her foot she nudged through some of the papers on the ground. For a long while she walked in silence. Occasionally she stop to look at something, but would end up calling it worthless and move on.

"I have a feeling I'm going to have to hunt. Let me tell you just how excited I am to roam around that goddamn forest." she turned and opened her hands. Slowly the camera floated down until she was holding it. Using her shoulder she wiped residual blood from her nose. "There is shit out there. Shit that is bigger and meaner than I am. The last thing I want to do is cross into some predator's territory unwanted. But shit I'm hungry for something of actual substance.."

In one hand she juggled the camera until her grip on it was solid. Like a terrible horror vid she kept it on her face as she spoke. Eyes wandered here and there as she scrounged through more stuff.

"So much useless stuff. Well, probably not useless, but most of this science mumbo jumbo is lost on me." she moved to another door. Instead of the pad lighting up green to allow her access it beep and flashed red. Curving her hand she let her hand hover over the pad. Jerking her hand back the apparatus sparked and then went dark. "I swear to god, If I have to..."

The doors slid open. Before the camera dropped a flash of surprise crossed her face. What followed was sheer horror. The lense cracked when the camera hit the floor, but the device stayed on. Through the fractured picture Ollie dropped to her knees. A hand covered her mouth. Two-toned eyes stayed wide with shock and confusion. A tremble wormed up her body. Turning her head away from the camera she curled. Her body contracted as she got sick. Suddenly her body looked very small as she shook until the gagging stopped.

After taking a moment to compose herself she turned to the camera. With a shaky hand she pulled it towards her. The last shot it captured of her before she switched it off was her tear stained face. The face of someone who had truly witnessed something terrible for the first time. Choking she lifted to turn it off the lens caught sight of what left her so shaken.

Bodies.

* * *

 **Fifth Video**

* * *

"Day twenty six? Twenty five? Fuck if I know. Not that it goddamn matters." a sniffle and a sigh. "I'm tired, but i think I should explain. No, I'm not explaining for _your_ benefit. Fucking scum is what you are. I need to do this for me. Processing this has been hard, but the more I stare at this piece of junk the more alive it feels. That means something to me. So for you ass holes on the other end, Cerberus, go fuck yourselves."

Behind her the sky was dark. There was a soft green glow coming from the glow sticks she had scattered on the ground. The ambient sound was oddly quiet. No wind blowing. No rain. Just quiet. Her arms were covered in dirt. The white tank she always wore was stained green and brown. To the side there was a shovel just leaning against a piece of rubble.

"I found your sick experiments. The Turian floating in some kind of tube. A Salarian that had been all but dissected. Not to mention the ones that were still strapped down. Records don't hold names. Just subject this an subject that." her hands folded to ease her trembling. "Dum vita est spes est, while there is life there is hope. They teach us that from day one. Our mission was not… this. We are explorers..."

Another pause. She held the camera with her eerie eyes.

"I don't know what the customs are for these races. What I do know is they are sentient beings. Highly intelligent sentient beings. Beings capable of their own empires and technological advances. I gave them proper burials. Said a few words. I'm not sure if it makes a difference. I don't believe in any afterlife..." she stood and dusted off her legs. For a moment she turned to stare at the freshly churned ground just off camera. "I'm going to sleep. Tomorrow I'm going further into that damn facility. To many questions. I want to know what happened here. I have to know how I ended up here. I need to know why I can't feel my sister."

* * *

Silence hung between the three of them. Somber expressions showed on each face. Liara's frown was most prominent, but Garrus was no longer leaning against the wall in a relaxed manner. He stood near the open door looking out at nothing.

"Garrus..."

"I'm fine Shepard." came the short reply. None of them liked Cerberus, but this was starting to drift close to something she wanted nothing to do with.

"We should just upload these and get back. Scrap the mission. I don't like where this is going." she suggested. Her attention was snapped to Liara when the Asari turned in her chair sharply.

"No she's still out there. We should find her. We should bring her and the information back." Shepard sighed. Leaving the girl here wouldn't hurt them. If anything it would save them energy. Who knew how she would react to people for the first time in who knows how long.

"Do we know if she's even alive?" her heart was getting too soft.

"There was a video uploaded a little less than two days ago. Unless something drastic happened between then and now." Shepard sighed and nodded.

"Let's see if it can give us any clues on where to look first."

* * *

 **Sixth Video**

* * *

"While I breathe, I hope. Dum spiro, spero." the camera wasn't floating cleverly like last time. She'd left it laying on a table. From its vantage all that could be seen was her torso as she paced back and forth repeating the same words over and over again. "Dum spiro, spero. Spiro spero."

When she finally pulled up a chair and sat down it was easy to see her time away from the screen had not gotten any better. Wet little trails ran down her cheeks. Evidence that she'd been crying for some time. Her hair was down, and her hands were buried in the dark mass clutching her skull as she shifted forward and backward.

"I can't do this. Can't can't can't can't. My control is thin. So fucking thin. Then I found…" her eyes squeezed shut and she leaned forward. Still she rocked forward and backward. "There is no more Spiro. Novo Capita… something happened. I know something happened. I can't remember. Why can't I remember. I've sifted all my memories. Everything. I can't remember what happened. There's a block. A dark period."

She leaned back and place her hands on her lap. Brows still pinched together like she was in some kind of pain. Odd eyes focused on nothing in particular. After a moment the shine seemed to leave them. Ollie sat terrifyingly still for a good three or four moments. Even her chest barely moved as she took the smallest of breaths. Than everything came back. A few blinks and she was back to normal.

"Nothing. I can't…" a deep breath. Eyes closed and she put on hand over her heart. "I found information on us. What ever happened we were booted out of Novo. There were at least eight of us here. Five Praetoreans and three Vitas. The Vita's had Prae partners, and two of the Prae's weren't bound yet. No cluster. I found images of all of us in cryo. Bri, Korbin, and Ash are the Vitas. Bly, Rae, Seb, Danny, and myself were the Praes. From the information I found they tried to bring Rae out first. She's dead. They did it too fast. Everyone else was kept cold. I don't know how I.. My cluster..."

She stood suddenly and darted out of the picture. Metal screeched nearby as if it was being ripped in half. Muffled yelling filtered through the speakers followed by silence. A few moments later light footsteps signaled her return. When she plopped down in front of the camera she looked less distressed and more alert.

"The predators, weird ass looking dog things, that fill the woods are getting brave. I saw them for the first time a few nights ago. Now they come sniffing around on the regular. I put metal around the graves after I caught them trying to dig the bodies up. I fucked up. I don't think I buried them deep enough." hands grasped the edge of the table. "I think I might have to start killing them. Too much death. So much death. That's my job though. I can kill to protect, but I'm not protecting anything."

She shook her head.

"I have a lead on where they took everyone. I need to find Bri first. She's priority. Once she's up we can worry about the others. I need her to anchor me. I have to find a way off this stupid fucking planet first. I found a signalling item..thing. I don't know what the fuck its called. What I do know is the computer said in an emergency activate this thing to send out a distress beacon. So let's see how well that works. With my luck it'll bring an army of hostiles to my door step. I can't win for losing it seems."

* * *

A shot of the night sky filled the screen. There were no clouds. Stars sparkled brightly and the moon hung low on the horizon. Metal caught light as a ship sat still in the sky. The fractured lens distorted the view, but it was there in the distance.

"Here we go."


End file.
